“Being dead’s no problem. Just the opposite.”

Four guys in a hot air balloon crash into the ocean and somehow manage to get into a rubber raft and wash up on an uncharted island. They are; Dr. Paul Hadley (Robert Clarke), Mark Eden (Robert Christopher), Curtis Ryan (Tain Bodkin), and Dino (Patrick O’Neil). Along with them is Melvin the dog. They wander around and find some bikini clad native women. The women are decedents of aliens from outer space that once used the island as a landing sight. The amazons take the men in and feed them. The amazons like to smoke something out of a skull. Part of their voodoo ritual.

Then they run into a pirate that appears to be perpetually drunk and someone called The Colonel. The pirate, Jocko (Steve Brodie) and The Colonel (Andrew Duggin) take them to see Sheila (Katherine Victor). Sheila is the great, great granddaughter of Dr. Frankenstein (John Carradine). She had been continuing her ancestor's work by turning ship wrecked sailors into zombie-like creatures with white eyes and sunglasses.

Shelia’s husband is Dr. Von Helsing (George Mitchell). Von Helsing is 200 years old. He needs frequent transfusions to stay alive. For that Shelia uses Clay Jayson (Cameron Mitchell). Jayson is a Poe reciting sailor that washed up on shore 17 years ago. He is kept in a cell until he is needed.

Frankenstein (John Carradine) is dead but manages to send messages from the grave from time to time. Apparently he channels his will on the island through Von Helsing and a brain in a bell jar. The brain looks like hamburger meat. The brain runs everything on the island. If something happens to it, there is a back-up brain hidden somewhere. The Frankenstein monster is still alive but chained in a hidden cave at the bottom of a pool.

Dr. Hadley gets brain washed into helping try to keep Von Helsing alive. They experiment with animal blood mixed with alien bikini girl blood and Jayson blood. It doesn’t go well.

“Frankenstein’s Island” was released in 1981 and was written, produced and directed by Jerry Warren. He also did the music score. I knew I was in trouble when one cast-away is saying to another cast-away that if they can find some dry wood, they can make a fire, or even a raft. He was holding a rubber raft at the time. Frankenstein’s monster doesn’t show up until the end of the movie. When he does he’s the lamest monster I’ve ever seen. Not his make-up. I was OK with that, but he looks like a blind drunk guy stumbling around.

For some reason, just the ridiculousness of the entire film kept me watching. I don’t think I’ve seen so much random junk tossed into one movie before.

Jerry Warren is also the brains behind the infamous movie “The Incredible Petrified World”. Suffice it to say that compared to “Frankenstein’s Island” “The Incredible Petrified World” was incredible. I can’t wait to watch “Wild, Wild World of Batwoman”. I’m quite sure it’s just as bad.