Venus (Annie Gorassini) is having affairs all over. Jupiter (Furio Meniconi) is tired of her promiscuity and decides that it is time for her to marry. He decides that either Mars (Roger Browne) or Vulcan (Iloosh Khoshabe) will be her husband. Venus flirts with both but Mars decides he wants Venus and so takes her and runs away to Earth. Pluto (Gordon Mitchell) helps Mars escape to Earth with Venus.

Vulcan goes after them but is sent another way by Pluto. Etna (Bella Cortez) finds him unconscious by the ocean. Vulcan, Etna and her nymphs are captured by lizard monsters that tie up Vulcan and put everyone else in cages.

Etna tries to get word to her father Neptune (Omero Gargano). They send Geo the Midget (Salvatore Furnari) to blow on the conch shell. A trident takes Geo to Neptune. Neptune orders his tridents to go to the grotto of the lizard monsters and free Vulcan, Etna and the nymphs and have them brought to him in his underwater realm.

Meanwhile Mars plots war against his father Jupiter. He plans on building a tower of bamboo up to Olympus and takeover. (Not sure how that works.) He is in league with Milos the Thracian King (Ugo Sabetta) and Pluto. They capture and enslave Sicilians and make them help build the tower.

Mercury (Isarco Ravaioli) tells Neptune about the rebellion. Vulcan goes back to Earth to have it out with Mars. Neptune vows his help too. Pluto, who is up to no good, has Erida (Edda Ferronao) sow discord between Etna and Venus. And everything goes to hell on Earth.

“Vulcan, Son of Jupiter” was released in 1962 and was directed by Emimmo Salvi. It is an Italian sword and sandal film. This was the first sword and sandal movie filmed in Iran. The main character is played by Iranian bodybuilder Iloosh Khoshabe as Maciste/Vulcan. Iloosh used the American name Rod Flash for the film. Gordon Mitchell plays Pluto, God of Darkness.

I’m not sure if this is the dumbest Sword and sandal movie ever made or if it is supposed to be satirical and funny. Either way the unintentional humor saves the film from being just plain bad. The intentional humor in the form of the midget Salvatore Furnari, however, does not.

Other than the surprise unintentional humor the movie suffers from the usual low budget issues. Bad dubbing, unless you like it hammy, bad script and bad acting,

The gods seem to have more human frailties and failures than the mortals do. Venus is full of herself, Mars needs anger management classes, Pluto is devious, Mercury is bi-sexual, Vulcan is pig headed, Geo is annoying, Neptune is clueless and Jupiter is over his head. I’ve said this before but I really believe that a lot of these stories are more like soap operas than they are epic guy flicks. Even the final battle scene in this movie was unimpressive.

It’s probably one of the dumbest sword and sandal movies ever but there is something about it that makes you keep watching it. I would have to put it in the so bad it’s good category. My favorite part is of course the silly lizard men.

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