Billy Wayne’s Swine ‘N’ Dine (and Gas)

FBI Special Agent Logan (Lorenzo Lamas) and Special Agent O’Reilly (Declan Joyce) are called to Fossil Ridge. The police need their help to investigate a suspicious death.

Abbi Whitecloud (Jana Mashonee) is a waitress at Billy Wayne's Swine 'N' Dine for Billy Wayne (Cole Brown) and a wanna be singer. She lives in a dirt town in Texas called Fossil Ridge. Sheldon MacaBeach (Cody Vaughn), Lucas Young (Donny Boaz) and Man Beast (Rowdy Arroyo) are college kids on a skiing trip. They run out of gas and stop at Billy’s gas station in Fossil Ridge. Little Willie (Marcus M. Mauldin) and his Willettes, Kolin (Alexandra Hulme) and Josie Hutchens (Kim Matula) are traveling to a gig in their tour bus when they have engine trouble. They stop at Billy’s gas station in Fossil Ridge hoping to find a mechanic.

A local eccentric, Dr. Crane (Jack Gould) creates dinosaurs using DNA. One of his creations has escaped and has eaten some cows, some dogs, some cats and a few people. Dr. Crane also bought all the gas that Billy had. Billy takes off on his lawn mower and leaves Abbi to lock up. Sheldon convinces Abbi to take him to Dr. Crane’s to see if he will give them some gas for the car. Man Beast and Kolin go along for the ride.

When they get to the doctor’s house they find him in the yard suffering from what looks like a heart attack. They take him into the house. Abbi goes looking to see if the doctor has any medicine that he needs to take. While she is looking the doctor dies. Man Beast accidentally releases the rest of the dinosaurs and gets eaten for his trouble. Everybody else runs for their lives.

Meanwhile, back at the Swine “N” Dine, Lucas, Josie and Little Willie are hanging out. Lucas and Josie head or the tour bus to have some alone time while Little Willie has something to eat. Little do they know that a couple Raptors have come upon the restaurant. Willie gets interrupted while on the john and Josie loses her head, post coital.

“The Dinosaur Experiment” AKA “Raptor Ranch” was released in 2012 and was directed by Dan Bishop. The movie is a comedy/horror/action/adventure/science fiction combo. There’s lots of blood, lots of running and lots of cleavage. Not much funny and not much adventure, unless you call running adventure. Lorenzo Lamas had about 5 minutes screen time so if you are a Lorenzo Lamas fan this movie is not going to be enough for you to get your fix. As for the acting, I didn’t pay much attention. I was there for the dinosaurs.

How were the dinosaurs? I was actually happy with them. True, it’s not “Jurassic Park”. It never is and I did not expect that. It was also not “Jurassic Predator” or “The Eden Formula”, which to me were, so far, the worst dinosaur movies ever. As far as I’m concerned if the dinosaurs are at least better than those two movies then I can handle it. The dinosaurs in “The Dinosaur Experiment” looked like a combo platter of CGI and puppet. They were also half way decent. There were also sufficient intestines spread around to make it look like an entire heard of disemboweled cows. It was all around good fun.