“Are you a television set?”
Its three weeks before Christmas and Santa has just had an interview for a news program. Martian children are watching Earth TV. Martian parents Momar (Leilia Martin) and Kimar (Leonard Hicks) are worried about their children. They aren’t eating or sleeping. Just watching earth programs. They consult Chochem (Carl Don), (Chochem is a Jewish name for a wise and learned man, or a know-it-all) an eight hundred year old sage. He says that Martian children are not allowed to be children. They are not allowed to have fun. Kimar wants to know what he can do about it. Chochem says they need a Santa Claus on Mars. But they don’t have one. Kimar wants to go to Earth, kidnap Santa, and bring him back to Mars.
Kimar and two other Martians Voldar (Vincent Beck), he’s the cranky guy, and Dropo (Bill McCutcheon), he’s the dopy one, go to Earth with a bunch of foot soldiers and find that there are Santas on every street corner. But they only want one. The real one. They ask two kids, Billy (Victor Stiles) and Betty (Donna Conforti), who tell them Santa lives at the North Pole. The Martians kidnap the kids and head for the North Pole. Once there they kidnap Santa and take him back to Mars. They intend to keep Santa. Can Santa bring joy to the Martian children? What about the kids back on Earth? Will Santa ever be able to get home? And the two kids Billy and Betty. Will they ever get back to Earth?
“Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is a Science Fiction/Comedy from 1964 directed by Nicholas Webster. Hopefully it’s meant to be a children’s movie because it sure ain’t for adults. The only thing adult about it is Pia Zadora being in it but she was only eight at the time so that probably doesn’t count. She plays one of the Martian children. It’s only other claim to fame is that it was the first documented appearance of Mrs. Claus in a movie. My favorite character is the Polar Bear. He just beat out the Robot.
As for the Jamie Farr controversy, there has been much ado about it. Many people insist that the Martian character Stobo was played by Jamie Farr. The credits for the character state that the actor is Al Nesor. Plus Jamie Farr has said it is not him. Many believe that Jamie doth protest too much. However, a side by side comparison between Al and Jamie, done by Lang Jeffries in his “Exploitation Films-Hard to find” blog, has proven that though they look incredibly alike, it is Al Nesor who plays Stobo and not Jamie Far.
The movie has now got a cult following only because it ended up on just about everyone’s worst movie ever list. If your reason for owning this movie is for your child, then good for you. If your reason is because it is a cult classic, then you will buy anything. I got mine because it was in box with forty-nine other movies.
Full movie
MST3K version