It’s not Plan 9, it’s Plan 13. That’s 4 more plans. That’s gotta be better, right?
After the plane montage and the driving montage. We have two scientists at the American British Astronomical Station in Houdspoint, Surrey, England discussing a trip to the 13th moon of Jupiter (which wasn’t discovered until 1974). They believe there may be life there.
A crew of five departs on their three week mission to Jupiter’s 13th moon. On board are Luther Blair (Anthony Dexter), Dr. Higgins (Sydney Tafler), Captain Larson (Paul Carpenter) (You can tell he’s the Captain cause he’s wearing the Captain’s hat.), Sydney Stanhope (Harry Fowler) and some guy name Anderson (Rodney Diak). They dodge a meteor shower by piloting the ship with their nifty boat throttles. On the way to Jupiter they drink Coca Cola, smoke Chesterfields and share the same electric razor.
As they approach the moon a voice is heard over the speaker. The crew relays its peaceful intentions and they are allowed to land. Once they touch down they stop for a celebratory smoke. They determine that the atmosphere is similar to Earth so they strap on their handguns put down a ladder and the five astronauts leave the space ship to investigate. They see a beacon in the distance that is sending a message in Morse code. When they get to it they find a statue of a naked woman. Anderson takes a picture of it with his Polaroid Instamatic Camera.
On the way back to the ship they hear a scream. They rescue a beautiful woman in a toga from a monster. Her name is Hestia (Susan Shaw). She leads them to a palace called New Atlantis. Captain Larson and Luther go into the palace. The other three are told to wait outside. If the other two are not back in half an hour they are to go back to the ship. The two men are welcomed by Prasus (Owen Berry). He says they are a colony from the original Atlantis and they are a dying civilization. There are only 17 people left, all women except him. He calls them daughters. The girls, all in togas, bring food and drink. Then they dance. The guys pass out from being drugged.
Prasus hopes the spacemen will stay and help him destroy the monster. Another maiden Duessa (Jacquline Curtis) wants to hold the men captive an use them as mates. Then they dance. Duessa believes one of the gods is mad at them and wants to sacrifice Hestia. Then they dance. The monster (A tall skinny dude with an ugly mask) manages to break in to the city and of course mayhem ensues.
“Fire Maidens of Outer Space” AKA “Fire Maidens from Outer Space” in the UK is a British/American made film from the Cy Roth Productions and Criterion Films. It was released in 1956. The film was written, directed and produced by Cy Roth. It’s a hoot and a holler. We have another drinking game. “Name all the stupid stuff”. As for the special effects, acting, dialogue and plot… you’re kidding right? This is definitely one of those so bad it’s hysterical movies. It’s “Cat Women of the Moon” and “Missile to the Moon” only very bad.
And you thought “Plan 9 from Outer Space” was awful.
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MST3K version