A photographer (Thomas Cavanno) and his bikini clad model (Blake Pickett) are taking pictures on a pier by a Florida beach.  The model is viciously attacked by a fish creature.  The photographer snaps pictures while she is being killed.  The woman’s hand is found by a family of four enjoying a day at the beach.  The photographer sends copies of the pictures to the sheriff (Fred Smith).  The sheriff is stumped as to what the creature in the pictures is.  The deputy (Matthew Z. Cunningham) says he knows someone that might be able to identify what the giant fish monster might be.

Melody Duncan (Donna Frotscher) is an ichthyologist and a reporter.  The deputy tracks her down at a hotel.  She agrees to look at the pictures of the sea monster.  Mel is staying in the same hotel as a group of porn filmmakers.  The director is Mel Duncan (Nick Baldasare).  His crew, Larry (Charlie Barnett) and Darryl (Ron Jeremy), along with the star, Tammy (Christina Veronica) are shooting their film in the room next to Melody’s.  The enthusiasm of the star of the film is keeping Melody up all night. 

Mel’s producer, Sam Nicholhoff (George Mazzone) sends him an envelope with pictures of porn stars for him to review for parts in the film.  The desk clerk (Ben Gunter) mistakenly gives Mel’s pictures to Melody and Melody’s pictures to Mel.  Seeing the photographs of the fish man gives Sam the idea to make a porno horror movie with fish men monsters.  Mel, on the other hand, wants to make a documentary about the fish men, should they prove to be real. 

In the meantime, the fish men are killing and raping.  The gang gets a hold of one of them when it gets run over by a car.  Before they can figure out what it is, a team of white suited figures show up and begin to vaporize the fish men as well as any victims.  Melody and Mel aren’t sure if the fish men are from the deep recesses of the ocean or if there is an otherworldly aspect to them.  Are the guys in the white suits from the government, or somewhere else?        

“They Bite” was released in 1996 and was written and directed by Brett Piper.  It is a science fiction horror comedy with naked women and some soft-core porn elements.

This movie ended up being better than I expected.  In fact, it was a lot of ridiculous and silly fun.  Much of it is an even lower budget parody of “Humanoids from the Deep 1980”.  There’s a lot of other stuff going here as well.  In addition to a cat fight at a wet T-shirt contest there is a really cool black and white trailer for the movie within a movie called “Invasion of the Fishfuckers”.  There is also a strange dream sequence where playboy playmate model Susie Owens’ vagina grows teeth and chomps off a guy’s you-know-what. 

There are three versions of the fish monsters in the movie.  The main creature is actually pretty good looking.  Unfortunately, you see mostly parts and snippets of it.  Since it is supposed to be the real monster in the film, I suppose it’s a good idea not to look too closely at it.  The second monster is the one in the trailer for the porn movie and is displayed during a dream sequence in the film.  This one is appropriately cheesy looking but still looks like a monster.  The third monster is the one the guys are actually using for their movie.  It is obviously bad and something you might actually see in a really horrible movie or a really bad Halloween costume.

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