What would you do if you found yourself in the middle of a horror movie? It’s not a scenario you look forward to but you do need to be prepared. Even if all your friends are dead you want to be that one person to survive. The following list is by no means complete; however it is a good start if you find yourself in that life or death situation.
1: Don’t Run Up the Stairs:
Unless it’s a zombie chasing after you, head for the front door instead of the stairs; they’re usually not that far apart.
2: Turn off the Camera:
Lost footage is lost for a reason. Put the camera down and run. Better yet, throw it at the killer. You might take out an eye.
3: Call the Police:
It’s their job to handle the bad guys. Not yours.
4: Keep your cell phone charged and batteries in your flashlight:
You can’t call the police if your phone is dead. Next it will be you. And you can’t see the killer in front of you if it’s dark.
5: Leave the Spirit World alone:
No séances or Ouija Boards. Not all ghosts are friendly.
6: Keep Your Clothes On:
No one survives sex in a horror movie. Plus it’s easier to run with your shoes on.
7: Listen to Any Warning:
When the locals tell you about the haunted house or the local legend, believe them.
8: Stay out of creepy and dark places:
Stay out of cemeteries and do not walk down dark alleys. While you’re at it, don’t go in the woods, basement, attic, haunted house, ancient Indian burial ground, or abandoned mental institutions.
9: Finish the Job:
Monsters and killers die hard. That’s why they have sequels. Always make sure the bad guy is dead. If you stab them, shoot them too. If you shot them, cut off their head. There’s no such thing as overkill in a horror movie.
10: Keep your weapon:
Even if the killer is in itty bitty pieces, keep your knife, gun, or whatever you used to dispatch the dead guy. By the way, never turn your back on the dead killer, just in case you mucked up #9.
11: Never Split Up:
You’re easy pickings when you’re alone. Even if you think you can cover more ground that way. All you’re going to get is dead quicker. That’s why lions separate the weakest from the herd.
12: Check the back seat:
Always look in the back seat before you get in your car. Even if you think it was locked. Bad guys always hide there.
13: Don’t investigate the creepy noise:
Like being in a creepy place, investigating that creepy noise is a bad idea. If there is a killer making that noise he knows you’re coming. He’s ready for you. Run away.
14: If you live in a haunted house-Move:
Again, why are you putting yourself in these situations. If you live in a haunted house and insist on staying there, maybe you deserve what you get.
15: Don’t be a bastard:
Sometimes good guys die, but only when they sacrifice themselves. Often random minor characters die, to frighten the audience with the unfairness of it all. But bastards always die. And horribly too.
